Ahhhhh... How are you all? You might want to grab a cup of tea, or coffee, or hot cacao, or wine...whatever you choose...because this has been waiting awhile. And I'm in the mood for some honesty...!
...I know I have been somewhat absent from here for so long. I'm sorry...and I'm not...because I'm coming to just accept this {haphazard} part of me (I hope you don't mind). To be honest, the last few months have been filled with questions, uncertainty and fear. I know this is a common thing amongst artists (well, with most people I know). Perhaps you know the feeling, when the uncertainty of where you're going becomes a little paralysing. I felt like I was teetering on the edge there for awhile... *almost* ready to just back away from everything... woah, it's a little hard to admit that here. I guess giving up before going too far would seem less like 'failure' and sure as hell less scary than continuing to move forward. But maybe my soul knows better, because even with these big (somewhat ugly) overarching question marks hanging over my head I've been taking tentative steps forward. Tiny steps that have kinda felt like huge leaps at the same time. One of these steps was to join Society6 and started creating my own prints, bags, phone cases etc. And I've beens scared of sharing them and really putting it out there, mindful that I could still retreat before anyone really noticed.
But here is the thing... beneath the surface my spirit and my intuition has been pushing me...gently (mostly). I've been asking questions I already knew the answers to, I just didn't know it (how's that for confusing!) A million questions, but these are a few: Should I be even doing this? (Yes.) Am I really an intuitive artist? (Yes.) How do I even move forward? (Just do the work).
It is kinda time for me to step up and own this journey a little...or a lot. Or completely, in fact. There it is. The scary reality of committing to this thing. {BREATHE}.
So even though I am filled with uncertainty... I can release the fear of the unknown 'future', and jump right in, questions and all. And I can't help but laugh (feel free to laugh at me too) because you know what...this whole process of intuitive painting is ALL ABOUT UNCERTAINTY. Talk about ironic...the girl who resists uncertainty is an intuitive artist... (I love the humour of the universe). Well who knows, perhaps this is at the heart of it all - through an intuitive process I can learn to embrace that which I resist most...and I know for sure that it makes me (and my painting) much more interesting, free and ALIVE...
I spent the entire day in my studio today...with the whole goal to LOOSEN UP and PLAY. A pot of tea, LOTS of music, my yoga mat, canvas, paint...I danced and stretched my way back onto the canvas, freeing up my body and my mind and letting my intuition play across the canvas... AH. Yes, if I needed any confirmation for what I have just been saying, it was right there in that continuous motion of paint and play. Fear can't have a hold in that place...uncertainty becomes a momentum and an edge to push, a place for intuition to unfurl itself and make itself seen and felt.
Here are a few snaps of this...
Here are a few snaps of this...
(...committing to PLAY...)
Diving in...
loosening up...
Playing...
Trusting
trusting
trusting.
...stay tuned for updates as this painting continues unfurling! :)
And in the meantime, join me and:
Thanks for joining me here...
Peace, Love, Joy and Gratitude to you ALL, wherever you are!
xxx
6 comments:
Beautiful mark making and colours. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. I admire your bravery in pushing up against and through the fear. Keep dancing with that brush! :) x
I can relate to all you have said. We just have to plow through those negative thoughts and BELIEVE and TRUST. What a wonderfully perfect day you had - painting and yoga my two favourite things. Thank you so much for sharing...Lisa C
Ahh, thank you so much Tanya and Lisa... there is so much power in sharing. And in dancing with a paintbrush! :) Back to the yoga mat today... and it was so soul-nourishingly-good.... x
Hiya Meredith I can completely relate to everything you said. Thanks for sharing....keep playing and sharing xX fi
CHHiya Meredith I can completely relate to everything you said. Thanks for sharing....keep playing and sharing xX fi
Thank you Fi... :) Glad that you stopped by and thanks for leaving me a message! I'm so happy to 'meet' you here. I hope you can find some time to PLAY this week too! :)
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